maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
