I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
