awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
