There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
