my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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