I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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