I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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