guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
