I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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