Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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