You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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