i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
