i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
