Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
