who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
