can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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