You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
