Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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