The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
