There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
