About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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