i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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