The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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