well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
