I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
