I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
