It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
