Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
