You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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