i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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