I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
