I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
