i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just pee around me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
