Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
