I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
