i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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