Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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