I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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