Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
