She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life