Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.