My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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