it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
