office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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