Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
