Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
