you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
