I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
