I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
