why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize