So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
