My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
