My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
