I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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