She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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