So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
