I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am midnight drunk by noon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
