i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
third nipple confirmed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
