I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
