whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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