that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize