and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize