i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
