Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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