Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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