I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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