No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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