And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
