If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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