How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
