we have officially lost it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
