I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
