Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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