I got chris browned last night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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