you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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