Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
