shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you never un-have a 4some
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
