There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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