she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am naked and annoyed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
