grandma shit on top of the toilet
Welp...herpes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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